Dating Strategies Used by Narcissists PART ONE
It can be easy to get duped by a narcissist, especially if you are a people pleaser or co-dependent. Narcissists can be charismatic, charming chameleons. They adeptly learn what you want and appeal to that side of you. It’s easy to miss the red flags because there’s chemistry between you and your potential partner. My coach/counselor tells me often, “Laura, come down from your love cloud and see what’s right in front of you.”
She’s right. We need to open our eyes to protect ourselves (and our hearts). Below are some strategies that narcissists use because toxic people make dating a game of control and conquests.
We’ve all heard people say, “He told me what our life would be like together” or “He painted a dream life of our future.” Now this action has a name assigned to it: future faking.
Future faking is tactic narcissists use to hook you. They elaborate on details of your future together. What makes it “fake” is that it’s not likely ever to happen. That’s because narcissists see a person they want to pursue, work hard to make that person fall in love, then decide if they’re going to love that person back.
It’s also improbable that this rosy outlook won’t happen because the narcissist is often making things up on the fly, from an emotional state of excitement or neediness. For example, the narcissist hasn’t thought about who will pay for the giant beach house? Who will pay for the dinner out at the expensive new restaurant?
It can be one of the cruelest ways a narcissist lures a new partner. The new companion has built a vision of a long-term relationship on a fragile, nearly impossible dream.
Love bombing is a term we hear more often than future faking. Love bombing is when a narcissist showers a potential victim with attention and affection to progress the relationship at lightning speed. Narcissists feel like they have a small window of time to hook the victim before the unsuspecting learns what the narcissist is all about.
Love bombing can look like an “I love you” in the first few dates, romantic trips before it’s time to go away together, flowers, expensive gifts, and dates, and more.
3.One big gesture
Sometimes a narcissist will use one big gesture to win over the new person. It could be an expensive trip overseas, a trip to meet the family after the second date, or an expensive gift.
One psychologist talked about a Cartier watch she received on the second date worth tens of thousands of dollars.
TO BE CONTINUED. . . .