Narcissism is a fear-based pattern of life. That stated, there are very few narcissists who will agree that they indeed operate with fear leading the way. Instead, they will claim that such a statement doesn’t apply to them (keeping in mind they are pretty impressed with oneself). They like to think of themselves as enlightened and you as the one who should fear them. Nonetheless, their inaccurate presumptions do not change the truth.
For instance, fear can manifest in hyper-vigilance, trembling, anxiety, or being overtly intimidated. So, if the narcissist sees none of that within, they presume they are off the hook. But in doing so, they overlook many other behaviors that are a dead giveaway for fear.
As you learn to navigate your relationship with narcissists, you can make well-informed adjustments once you see them for who they really are. So, it will be to your advantage to recognize that behind their false superiority and their many insensitivities, they indeed harbor much fear. And seeing the truth about their fear, you can be positioned to respond to their many control messages wisely.
Each time a narcissist indicates that they have no fears, keep in mind that you are in the presence of one with astonishingly low insight. They are self-serving egoists who must have the final word despite what the facts clearly indicate. They are too emotionally fragile to say: “I’d like to learn from you, so I’ll gladly hear what you have to say.”
Narcissists are master gaslighters who find pseudo-strength by negating your observations. But their gaslighting is awash in their need to deflect truth. Learn to read the signs of their many fears, and in doing so, trust what your gut tells you to be reasonable and accurate.
And as narcissists continue to pretend that they have it all together, you can conclude: “I choose not to alter my insights, nor will I change my personal initiatives based upon the projections of a fraidy-cat.”
~Les Carter, Ph.D.
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