Unfortunately, I attended a funeral this week in my hometown for a good friend’s husband. Maribeth has been like a mother to me since my childhood. She’s almost 80 now, and her knowledge of navigating life’s challenging situations has been priceless. For example, she has given me advice about studying in college, navigating marriage, and helping care for aging parents. I remember asking her the hard questions when I was contemplating divorcing Shane, a narcissist. One afternoon, I asked her if she felt like John, her husband, would consistently protect her and not harm her.
“I have never had to watch my back with John,” Maribeth answered. “We may have issues, but he is safe for me.”
I began thinking about the differences between safe people and unsafe people. In the following paragraphs, I discuss the traits of people who are not safe for you to pursue a relationship with, whether a friend, colleague or partner. Of course, no one is perfect, but for the most part, these people cause harm and pose a threat to your emotional and sometimes physical well-being. Unfortunately, and understandably, many of these traits belong to narcissists.
1. You must watch your back with them.
With an unsafe person, you are constantly looking over your shoulder. Their mission is to do what it takes to get what they need. Narcissists demand their supply, which is often attention, admiration, sex, money, and control. They’ll fight, manipulate, and steal to get it. Many narcissists enjoy hurting people unless being protective serves them in some capacity.
Safe people are those who want the best for you. Often these are the people who make you a better person by just being around them. If you ask safe people for advice, they give guidance with love.