12 Stages Of Emotional Healing That Will Help You Move On - PART THREE

4. Confrontation

Either after you have calmed down from your anger or even during the previous stage, you’ll move on to the fourth stage, which is confrontation.

You’ll want to confront the person who’s causing you so much pain and suffering.

This is the stage where you’ll allow yourself to believe that there is a way to get rid of all these emotions that are making you feel so bad.

You may even be willing to go back to your ex.

Either way, in this stage of emotional healing, you just want to be done with this emotional roller coaster.

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12 Stages Of Emotional Healing That Will Help You Move On - PART TWO

Let’s start by defining all the stages of emotional healing, so you can better understand your emotional experience.

1. Denial

The denial stage is the first stage of emotional healing. Denial is a normal human defense mechanism in times of stress. 

You find yourself denying that you’re not doing OK. This is the stage where you say that there’s nothing wrong, that you’re doing just fine.

You might even say things like, “That didn’t happen to me!” which means that you don’t accept the reality of the situation on a deeper level.

Even if you do know that something is wrong, you’re denying the actual cause of the emotions you’re experiencing.

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12 Stages Of Emotional Healing That Will Help You Move On - PART ONE

The stages of emotional healing always depends on the individual.

More often than not, the healing process takes a long time and you go through a lot of emotional pain.

Emotional trauma can be caused by a long list of factors, and at this time, your mental health should be your biggest priority.

What you’re experiencing in this emotional state is a crisis.

A crisis is a turning point in your life where you have to rebuild yourself, even if it seems like it won’t go well.

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The Stark Truth Behind a Narcissist’s Dishonesty

As you learn about the pattern of narcissism, it is essential to recognize the role of the False Self. Narcissistic individuals decided a long time ago that being honest about personal frailties, needs, and misgivings is dangerous. They have concluded that it is too risky to be vulnerable. Therefore, they have a deeply developed pattern of portraying themselves inaccurately.

In any relationship, learning each other’s flaws, mistakes, or weaknesses is inevitable (as is learning about each other’s positives, too). But narcissists, being so committed to the False Self, can hardly bear being discovered as imperfect, so they remain in constant spin mode, even when it makes no sense to do so.

Acknowledging their dishonesty

That being the case, when you call out a narcissist regarding an inaccuracy or a frustration you have, instead of discussing it honestly and constructively, they predictably go straight into denial, blame shifting, and angry rebuttals. It’s just what they do. Furthermore, when you catch them in obvious falsehoods, even as you are glaringly accurate, they double down on their dishonesty, appealing to their superior interpretations while reminding you of your inability to see things correctly.

A narcissist’s definition of “fact” is whatever props up their entitlement, or keeps them feeling smug, or keeps them in the favored position over you. And over time, as you have repeated experiences with this pattern, one stark truth becomes abundantly clear: To a narcissist, objective facts are irrelevant. If you wish to discuss matters they deem as inconvenient or indicting, they simply deny what is true and continue with whatever is necessary to keep the False Self propped up.

Inside the pattern of narcissism, dishonesty is first nature. They have lied to themselves for so long and on so many topics that they are incapable of coming to terms with facts that compete with their internal struggles.

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Listening Skills

How to Improve Your Listening Skills

Having effective listening skills means being able to display interest in the topic discussed and understand the information provided. In today’s society, the ability to communicate effectively is becoming increasingly important. Although the ability to speak effectively is a highly sought-after skill, developing effective listening skills is often not regarded in the same respect.

In fact, listening is just as important as speaking. Being a good listener helps solve problems, resolve conflicts, and improve relationships. In the workplace, effective listening contributes to fewer errors, less wasted time, and improved accuracy. Effective listening helps build friendships and careers.

Five ways to improve your listening skills

1. Face the speaker and give them your attention

It is difficult to talk to someone who is constantly looking around. Make sure to face the speaker, maintain eye contact, and give them your undivided attention. In Western cultures, eye contact is necessary for effective communication. Although shyness, uncertainty, or cultural taboos may inhibit eye contact, try your best to make sure the speaker knows that they have your full attention.

2. Keep an open mind

Do not judge or mentally criticize what the speaker is telling you. Doing so can compromise your ability to take in what is being said. Never exhibit judgmental behavior, as it compromises your effectiveness as a listener. You can evaluate what was said after the speaker is finished talking, but don’t do so while you are still listening to them.

Let the speaker finish what they are saying and don’t be a sentence-grabber. Interrupting the speaker or prohibiting them from finishing what they are saying can indicate disrespect to the speaker. Often, interrupting the speaker mid-sentence interrupts their train of thought and can easily destroy a productive conversation.

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Interpersonal Skills

What are Interpersonal Skills?

Interpersonal skills are the skills required to effectively communicate, interact, and work with individuals and groups. Those with good interpersonal skills are strong verbal and non-verbal communicators and are often considered to be “good with people”. Whether they’re used in your career or personal life, these skills are important for success.

Why Interpersonal Skills Matter

Most of what we do in life requires interaction with other people.  In order to be successful in your career or have meaningful friendships, it’s critical to be good at getting along with others.  While interpersonal skills are often considered to be something that comes naturally, that you’re either blessed with them or not, the truth is that they can be learned.

At CFI, our focus is on helping you advance your career.  With that objective in mind, we’ve designed this guide to help you:

  1. Be aware of the importance of interpersonal skills
  2. Highlight your skills in a way that helps you get a job and advance your career
  3. Assess your interpersonal abilities and develop a plan to improve them

Technical Skills vs Soft Skills

When preparing a job application, the natural tendency is to focus on technical skills.  It’s only natural, as most job descriptions focus on specific requirements such as accounting, finance, Excel, financial modeling, and related skills.

However, most hiring managers actually make their decision based on soft skills, even though they talk about all the technical skills required.  According to a recent LinkedIn survey of 291 hiring managers, interpersonal skills are both more important and also harder to find. 59% of managers reported they have trouble finding people with the right soft skills.

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Leading by Example

What is Leading by Example?

Leadership is a process in which an individual influences the behavior and attitudes of other people. Leading by example helps other people see what lies ahead and act swiftly to counter any challenges along the way. If a group is led by a person with poor leadership skills, the group will experience frequent conflicts as each person wants to do things their way.

One of the responsibilities of a leader is to inspire other people to do the best that they can do for the benefit of the organization. To achieve this, the leader must show them the way by getting involved in the process – leading by example. For example, a CEO may discourage unnecessary spending among employees to improve the business revenues. However, if the CEO changes his office furniture frequently, the employees will not take him seriously, and they will continue with the spending. But if the CEO stops unnecessary expenditure in his own office and works toward maximizing revenues, the employees will often follow suit.

Six Ways of Leading by Example

Leaders use the following ways to lead by example and inspire their followers:

#1 Listen to the team

Sometimes, a leader may get too busy giving directives and managing the team, so that they forget to listen to other leaders and even their followers. A good leader should understand that they do not know everything and that they can learn something new from the most junior employee. Also, most organizations hire staff based on their expertise and experience in specific fields, and the leader should learn to interact and listen to all employees. For example, if the manager is an expert in investments, they may need someone from the accounting or marketing department to advise them on some issues.

#2 Respect the chain of command

Organizations implement an organizational structure so that each person in the company knows who to report to if there are challenges in a particular department. If a leader fails to observe these chains of command, there will be confusion in the organization and the employees will be demoralized. Also, if the leader does not respect the chain of command, the employees will find it hard to report to their seniors, and this will cause disharmony among the employees.

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Leadership Traits

List of Effective Leadership Traits

A common misconception is that individuals are just naturally gifted with leadership skills. The truth is that leadership traits, like other skills, can be acquired with time and practice. Below are seven traits of an effective leader:

1.   Effective Communicators

Leaders are excellent communicators, able to clearly and concisely explain problems and solutions. Leaders know when to talk and when to listen. In addition, leaders are able to communicate on different levels: one-on-one, via phone, email, etc.

2.  Accountable and Responsible

Leaders hold themselves accountable and take responsibility for any mistakes. Leaders support and encourage individuality while abiding by organizational structure, rules, and policies that need to be followed.

3.  Long-term Thinkers

Leaders are visionaries. This is evidenced by the leadership trait of being able to plan for the future through concrete and quantifiable goals. They understand the need for continuous change and are open to trying new approaches to solve problems or improve processes.

4.  Self-motivated

Leaders are self-motivated and are able to keep going and attain goals despite setbacks. In addition, good leaders try their best to exceed, not just meet, expectations.

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A Brief Guide to Time Management PART THREE

Implications of Poor Time Management

Let’s also consider the consequences of poor time management.

1. Poor workflow

The inability to plan ahead and stick to goals means poor efficiency. For example, if there are several important tasks to complete, an effective plan would be to complete related tasks together or sequentially. However, if you don’t plan ahead, you could end up having to jump back and forth, or backtrack, in doing your work. That translates to reduced efficiency and lower productivity.

2. Wasted time

Poor time management results in wasted time. For example, by talking to friends on social media while doing an assignment, you are distracting yourself and wasting time.

3. Loss of control

By not knowing what the next task is, you suffer from loss of control of your life. That can contribute to higher stress levels and anxiety.

4. Poor quality of work

Poor time management typically makes the quality of your work suffer. For example, having to rush to complete tasks at the last minute usually compromises quality.

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A Brief Guide to Time Management -PART TWO

List of Tips for Effective Time Management

After considering the benefits of time management, let’s look at some ways to manage time effectively:

1. Set goals correctly

Set goals that are achievable and measurable. Use the SMART method when setting goals. In essence, make sure the goals you set are Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant, and Timely.

2. Prioritize wisely

Prioritize tasks based on importance and urgency. For example, look at your daily tasks and determine which are:

  • Important and urgent: Do these tasks right away.
  • Important but not urgent: Decide when to do these tasks.
  • Urgent but not important: Delegate these tasks if possible.
  • Not urgent and not important: Set these aside to do later.

3. Set a time limit to complete a task

Setting time constraints for completing tasks helps you be more focused and efficient. Making the small extra effort to decide on how much time you need to allot for each task can also help you recognize potential problems before they arise. That way you can make plans for dealing with them.

For example, assume you need to write up five reviews in time for a meeting. However, you realize that you’ll only be able to get four of them done in the time remaining before the meeting. If you become aware of this fact well in advance, you may be able to easily delegate writing up one of the reviews to someone else. However, if you hadn’t bothered to do a time check on your tasks beforehand, you might have ended up not realizing your time problem until just an hour before the meeting. At that point, it might be considerably more difficult to find someone to delegate one of the reviews to, and more difficult for them to fit the task into their day, too.

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A Brief Guide to Time Management PART ONE

Time management is the process of planning and controlling how much time to spend on specific activities. Good time management enables an individual to complete more in a shorter period of time, lowers stress, and leads to career success.

Benefits of Time Management

The ability to manage your time effectively is important. Good time management leads to improved efficiency and productivity, less stress, and more success in life. Here are some benefits of managing time effectively:

1. Stress relief

Making and following a task schedule reduces anxiety. As you check off items on your “to-do” list, you can see that you are making tangible progress. This helps you avoid feeling stressed out with worry about whether you’re getting things done.

2. More time

Good time management gives you extra time to spend in your daily life. People who can time-manage effectively enjoy having more time to spend on hobbies or other personal pursuits.

3. More opportunities

Managing time well leads to more opportunities and less time wasted on trivial activities. Good time management skills are key qualities that employers look for. The ability to prioritize and schedule work is extremely desirable for any organization.

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This Is How To Increase Your Attention Span: 5 Secrets From Neuroscience

The human brain is the most amazing thing in the universe. It got us to the moon, built the pyramids, cured smallpox… And it also can’t seem to go 6 minutes without checking Facebook.

How long can college students focus without switching to something fun like social media or texting?

5 minutes. Tops.

Attention Span 101

First off, stop blaming technology. It’s not your phone’s fault; it’s your brain’s fault. Tech just makes it worse. Our brains are designed to always be seeking new information.

1) Stop Multitasking

Juggling multiple activities not only divides your attention among the tasks — but you also pay a cognitive “penalty” on top of that to manage the switching.

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Anger Styles: What They Reveal About You PART THREE

4. Assertive anger.

Remember, anger can have a constructive purpose.  When misunderstanding has occurred, when a person has wronged you, your anger can prompt decisive and

corrective action.  In self-preservation you can speak and act in ways that let others know of your desire to be respected.  The assertive style of anger is typified by open efforts to address problems while at the same time choosing to maintain dignity toward the ones being addressed.

Assertive people feel no need to belittle others in the process of managing tensions.  They can be firm, but also respectful.  They can maintain strong principles without having to invalidate others’ principles. 

Examples of assertive anger would include:
  • Knowing when to say no
  • Being straight-forward in communication
  • Speaking with a clear, concise voice
  • Showing concern even as problems are addressed
  • Demonstrating confidence when others disagree
  • Being known as one who can and will follow through on responsibilities
  • Standing firmly when others are clearly irresponsible or uncaring
  • Holding to correct standards without being demeaning
  • Responding to resistance with calm resoluteness.

By choosing the assertive style of anger, you recognize that you deserve to be heard, and that preserving personal convictions is an act of responsibility.  Yet you can also maintain a sense of modesty as you make room for the needs and perspectives of others. 

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Anger Styles: What They Reveal About You - PART TWO

2. Openly aggressive anger

Usually when people think of anger, it is the openly aggressive style of anger that comes to mind.  That is only natural since it is the loudest, most boisterous way to communicate the emotion. 

While the aggressive person is in a self-preservation mode, it is handled in a manner that shows little regard for the others involved.  The reason for feeling angry may actually be valid (although sometimes it is not), but the delivery is so disruptive that the appropriate message gets lost. 

Openly aggressive anger can be displayed in these ways:
  • Being critical or bossy
  • Speaking dogmatically about your beliefs
  • Being forceful and pushy
  • Shouting, using a raised tone of voice
  • Blaming, accusing
  • Going into rants or long lectures
  • Displays or threats of physical force
  • Being blunt and insensitive
  • Complaining and griping
  • Bickering and being snippy
  • Cursing, name-calling, insulting
  • Interrupting, refusing to listen
  • Pushing an agenda that others will inevitably resist.

By using the openly aggressive style of anger, you can illustrate a strong belief that others cannot or will not make good decisions without you being overwhelming.  It implies a lack of confidence that people will coordinate life with you if you just leave them to their own devices.

What open aggression reveals about you:

First, when you use this style of anger, it implies that haughtiness has taken over your personality.  It is as if you are saying:  “No one knows better than ME.”  There is little or no room for separate ideas, preferences, or interpretations.   Additionally, the aggressive style illustrates little or no empathy.  Surely the other person has feelings and preferences, but filled with aggression, you have concluded that the only person whose feelings matter is yourself.  You are showing no deference to the other’s distinctions. 

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Anger Styles: What They Reveal About You - PART ONE

Do you ever have moments of anger?  Of course, the answer is yes, in the sense that each person feels this emotion at some level, and there are multiple types of anger styles.

Let’s not stereotype our understanding of anger by presuming that it only involves rude, mean-spirited communication. Yes, people often misuse it that way, but it is much broader than that. Included in our identification of the five anger styles are reactions of frustration, annoyance, irritability, agitation, impatience, and so forth.  It is a broad based emotion with many manifestations.

Anger is part of your personality’s alert system, and it is triggered by the need to preserve oneself. 

Specifically when you feel angry, you wish to preserve:

  • Your worth as a human:  “Would you please show me respect!”
  • The legitimacy of your needs:  “I want you to regard my needs.”
  • Your primary convictions:  “I have beliefs that define who I am, notice them.”

It is well and good that you might feel angry, but as you acknowledge the emotion, you can go deeper by also asking,  “What does my use of anger reveal about me in general?”  Unfortunately, many people are not disciplined with their anger, and it is little more than a force for disruption.  Others, fearing what might happen as they express anger, allow insecurity and pessimism to prompt coy or devious expressions.

But let’s hold onto the notion:  With all anger styles, you have choices.  You can choose to let it run its course negatively.  You can let it eat away at your inner self, resulting in an unhappy manner of living.  Or you can choose to blend your anger management in with a constructive manner of life.  Where do you want to go with it?


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A Narcissist’s Top 10 Gaslighting Comments

The pattern of narcissism is defined by the need to control you, to maintain an edge of superiority, to manipulate and exploit, and to minimize your emotions and perceptions. Being unnaturally self-absorbed, narcissists constantly look for ways to maintain an angle over you.

One of their favorite tactics is gaslighting, a proactive attempt to create confusion within you and to interpret events for the specific purpose of maximizing the narcissist’s psychological dominance. The goal of the gaslighting narcissist is to wear down your resolve, to diminish your confidence in your perceptions, and to establish themselves as the ultimate arbitrator of correctness.

Your independent thinking threatens a narcissist, so if they can succeed in making you look or feel foolish, or if they can prompt you to doubt your version of events, they presumably win. So, with that in mind, let’s identify ten of the most common gaslighting comments you will hear from a narcissist. Being aware of their psychological tricks, you will be less susceptible to collapsing under their controlling efforts.

Their top ten:

  1. “I’m just trying to help.” Very commonly, narcissists will become critical, bossy, intrusive, and invalidating. When you call them out, they can feign innocence by insisting that their directives mean to be for good. If you deem their “helpfulness” unnecessary, that implies you are unappreciative.
  2. “Who told you that?” When you offer your separate perspective to the narcissist, there is a very low likelihood that a fair-minded exchange will ensue. Instead, the narcissist will look for someone to scapegoat. You clearly have been misinformed, so it is essential (to the narcissist) to cast dispersions upon your sources of information.
  3. “I’m sorry if I offended you.” (No, they are not.) This is the classic non-apology apology. When a problem has occurred, they put the focus onto your presumed fragility. The implied message is that you are thin-skinned and have poor interpretation skills. They may as well say, “It’s too bad you can’t handle the truth, as defined by me.”
  4. (Huff…sigh). Without words, the narcissist can heave hot air, as if to say: “I don’t even know what to say right now…you are so off base.” When you point out their rudeness, they can deny the problem, reminding you they have actually said nothing.
  5. “No one does more for you than me.” At times narcissists will indeed perform favors or act cooperatively, but later you learn they are collecting chips. Then, if you express frustration, they will cash in those chips with the insinuation that you are in their debt or that you are an ingrate. Of course, the frustration is not addressed, and that is the narcissist’s goal.
  6. “You’re the one who has issues.” Let’s suppose the narcissist is completely inappropriate and you draw attention to it. While that person may not deny the wrongdoing directly, they may shift gears by pointing out when you have been in the wrong. Or they may insinuate that if they erred, you caused it. Then they take delight as you start defending yourself. (They are off the hook at that point.)
  7. “You are so argumentative.” (or controlling, or stubborn, or defensive, etc.) To keep themselves off the hot seat, narcissists will project onto you what they refuse to adjust within themselves. They reason that if they accuse first, your counter-arguments will fall flat.
  8. “I was really stressed out.” Sometimes narcissists cannot deny their errors, so they will fall back onto the vague complaint that stress made them act ineffectively. Never mind that everyone has some measure of stress…this comment implies that you do not have the right to hold them accountable.
  9. “You did well, but…” Sometimes your excellence cannot be denied, but even then, narcissists cannot let you have the positive spotlight. They can minimize you by offering a compliment with a caveat. For instance: “You did well, but you had lots of help along the way,” or “You did well, but the task wasn’t that complicated.”
  10. “Let’s get together soon when we have more time to talk.” Narcissists can be aware that some situations deserve a full discussion so clear minds can prevail. But they also know that if they enter those discussions, they may have to make concessions. So, they pretend they are willing to hear you out, but later it’s obvious they never intended to have the conversation. This comment is a prelude to you being ghosted.

But wait, there’s more

These are just ten of the most common gaslighting comments you’ll hear from a narcissist…the number of comments is limited only by the narcissist’s limits for speaking in half-truths, disguised accusations, and veiled insults. Make no mistake, their gaslighting is a form of abuse. It is a projection of their own unfinished psychological tension onto you. It illustrates how they utterly despise taking responsibility for their flaws. And it is a covert way of gaining mind control over you.

Your challenge is to become keenly aware of the narcissist’s tactics. And as you do, you can choose instead to consult your own inner voice. The narcissist does not want you to trust yourself, yet as you know yourself to be a person of integrity, committed to growth, self-trust is entirely appropriate.

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How to Develop Yourself, and Your Personality, 23 steps… Basic Exercises and Skills! PART THREE

16. Develop a new hobby

In order to develop the self and strengthen the personality, stimulation is necessary for humans to achieve this end, because continuous stimulation maintains the function of the nervous system in our bodies. So you should always look for new things, such as painting, pottery, reading or other things, that will help you develop the physical, emotional and mental aspects of your personality. It also helps you work on the things that increase your inner happiness and make your life stress-free.

17. Keep fit

A good personality is also measured by a good physique; Thus, your job is to discover what it is and achieve it. Also, to make your body more attractive, you need to do a 15-minute walk three days a week, accompanied by other sports such as swimming. This will shape your body and also increase your physical strength. 

18. Find a good competitor

To savor true success in life, you must be competitive, and the feeling of competition is formed when you face a strong and independent competitor. This can be a very healthy comparison that pushes you forward to get the best performance and thus reveals all your hidden abilities. So it helps you to improve your personality.

19. Choose a perfect figure

We often meet people in our lives who have a profound influence on our minds and souls, and we admire that person. These popular personalities have some traits that we like, so our mission is to pursue our ideals to achieve the highest level of personal development in our lives.

20. Commit to growth

You should always look for a commitment that is part of your personal development plan. Commitment refers to the changes we go through in our lives, which might be following a plan or making time for things that make you happy. Keeping your soul happy makes a character happy and happy because being in an environment makes them happy. Therefore, commitment has many implications for personal development. 

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How to Develop Yourself, and Your Personality, 23 steps… Basic Exercises and Skills! PART TWO


8. Doing sports

Did you play soccer or any other exercise at school? Surely your teacher or mentor has been guiding you through the phrase “exercise makes progress”. This sentence is very old, but its meaning is still new, and it still helps people to develop their personal development skills. Because continuous exercise such as jogging, walking, swimming, or exercising indoors, helps develop your skills and increases your ability to the point where a person becomes proficient in that particular skill. Jackie Chan, for example, has become a master of cinema and kung fu with a lot of exercise and hard work, as well as the famous engineer and inventor Elon Musk whose favorite hobby since childhood is playing sports.

9. Master the art of dealing

Another important point of personal development is learning the ways and art of dealing with stubborn people. Oftentimes, these situations arise for us, and we cannot easily connect and understand with certain groups of people who are really stubborn. These people can be seen in our fellow human beings, managers, and others. So you should always learn ways to persuade them so that you do not have problems while working.

10. Try learning new ways

For personal development, you need to focus on finding new ways to face the daily challenges that life throws at you. Therefore, games play a significant role; Mind games like chess teach us different personality development techniques that can help us win the game. Similarly, these photovoltaic cells can be used in our lives to solve some problems.

11. Meditation

Meditation is the most common and simplest way to relieve life’s stresses. Meditation calms your nervous system, thus activating inner peace. This inner calm acts on the brain and helps reduce blood flow in the body, which helps relieve stress. Meditation exercises are very similar to emptying the mind of negative thoughts. Firstly, it puts an end to stress, and secondly, it helps increase focus and concentration, which is very important for personal development.

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How to Develop Yourself, and Your Personality, 23 steps… Basic Exercises and Skills!

How to develop yourself and strengthen your personality.

Self-development and personal-strengthening skills are essential in the contemporary world. Here are 23 essential life skills for self-development, personal development and building a strong personality, which are essential skills and exercises in life and also help to strengthen the sensitive and weak personality and build self-confidence:

1. Get out of your safe comfort zone

In the next step of personal development, you must leave your safe zone. You should always look ahead and try to get past your safe comfort zone. If a farmer did not work hard, he would never be able to overcome his own hunger and that of the people of the world. So you have to work hard to get past and get out of your comfort zone. Getting over and out of this comfort zone will help you be more successful in life. And letting go of expensive comforts makes you ready and strong enough to face life’s problems.

2. Focus on good habits

On the other hand, you always have to develop new and good habits. These habits may include going to bed, getting up early, exercising regularly, yoga, reading, learning new things, etc.

Developing these habits will help you form a strong and extraordinary personality. Study habits help you expand your knowledge, while exercising or yoga habits help you stay fit and increase self-confidence.

3. Overcome your fears

Another key self-development and personality development skill is overcoming fear. There is a misconception that a person should not be afraid in any situation! Every human on earth has fears, and these fears slow personal development. But you have to always work on the positive side of everything and in this case you have to overcome your fear and not let fear hold you back and move forward for higher and newer success in life.

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Acknowledge and Appreciate Good Manners in Others

Manners are reciprocal. If someone holds a door, say thank you. If you need something from a grocery shelf, and someone else is in the way, say "excuse me, please." Or ask them "could you please hand me a box of that cereal?" and then thank them.

Likewise, with youth, who seem these days to be totally out of touch, it is very important to set a good example, and give them positive feedback when they do the right thing. Here are two examples:

  1. Several years ago, I was shopping, and a little girl came up behind me, and said, "Excuse me please, can I get some of that?" (I forget the specific item; we were at a freezer case.) I was very pleasantly surprised, and looked around, and spotted the woman I took to be her mother. I approached her, and asked if that was her daughter. She at first looked startled; apprehensive, as if she were about to get a bad report. When I said to her, "I'd like to compliment you on having a very well-mannered young lady," she smiled as big a smile as smiles get, and thanked me for letting her know. I also made sure the young girl heard what I said.
  2. Recently I was at a public celebration event, and two young boys (probably not more than 2 or 3 years different in age, but who did not appear to be brothers) were in front of me in line for some shaved ice. It was a hot day, and the line was long. As they stood there, the younger boy was asking the other how much the cones were. At the reply of "$4.00," he looked shocked, and said, "I only have $5.00." He would not have enough money left for anything else. The older boy said nothing, but when we got to the window, the older boy ordered two cones, and waved the younger boy's money away, treating him to his shaved ice treat. I told the young man, "That was a very nice thing you just did for your friend." Kid like, he was a bit embarrassed, smiled, and shrugged, but I know he was probably beaming with pride inside to be noticed for doing an act of kindness.

It all comes back to the old, "What goes around comes around." Manners are like a boomerang. Use them, and be kind, and people will respond likewise.

Treat people like dirt, and don't be surprised to find yourself on the outside looking in, and used as a doormat.

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