Number 4: You Find Yourself Trying To Prove That You Are A Good Person
Because the narcissist is regularly accusing you of all the things that they are and do, such as lacking integrity and love and care for people, being unfaithful, lying, making it all about yourself, wanting to use people for your own gain, etc., naturally you will be incensed and try extremely hard to prove and convince them otherwise.
You will be shocked at the allegations regarding things that you don’t do and aren’t capable of doing, which, in actual fact, you know are what the narcissist does.
You may have said in total shock and horror to the narcissist, ‘Do you have a mirror?’ or ‘You have no idea who I am’ or ‘If you really think that about me, why are you with me?’
The Truth About This
This is another deadly hook that narcissists can get us enmeshed with them on. If we believe that our integrity, character, well being and safety is dependent on what other people think of us, then we are really susceptible to this narcissistic behavior.
To truly heal we need to detach from other people who have warped versions of us and then heal inside to get to the solid place of knowing. It’s only our version of ourselves that is vital. And when we are true to our ‘self’, who and what is healthy will follow, and those that don’t we will easily leave alone.
Number 5: You Are Mopping Up the Messes
Being connected with a narcissist has lots of drama, rough edges and quite frankly means that disasters are always looming.
Narcissists usually aren’t good with detail, accountability or sensibility. They fly high, seeking narcissistic supply and acclaim with not much thought for ‘doing the right thing’. It’s normal to have all sorts of things pop up as a result of the narcissist’s loose and non-accountable behavior, which of course is always someone else’s fault.
If your life is connected with one of these people, it is usual that you will be paying their fines, sorting out their messes and dramas, and even lying for them to cover their tracks.
It’s like this analogy – as you are watering their back lawn trying to keep it green, yours gets parched, turns brown and dies.
The Truth About This
This is how narcissists roll, and this is what happens to the sensible, well-meaning, responsible people who narcissists like to recruit into their lives.
Know that when you are emptied out you will be discarded and the narcissist will then find some other good, responsible person to take on the mopping-up task for them.
One of the greatest gifts of our recovery, when we walk away from people like this and do the inner work, is we learn how to be responsible for ourselves and generate lives with people who take responsibility, and we stop enabling people who don’t.
By walking away, healing and re-starting our life with self-responsibility – being left to ‘mop up messes’ won’t happen to us again.