Please hear me when I say to you – it is SO not true, that it will never be safe for you to date because narcissists are everywhere.
Yes, narcissists are everywhere – that is totally true, and so are great people who you can have healthy, fulfilling relationships with.
Your future relationships are never about what other people are or aren’t doing (oh gosh I promise you this).
Rather, they are about WHO you are BEING.
Beingness is not something you can just logically decide
– it’s the work you do inside yourself to heal, so that you can show up, not CARING who other people are, because you know who YOU are, what YOUR values are and how powerfully (and not needily) you can take your time to get to know people and put yourself (and them) to the test.
I really want you to discard the ridiculous romantic notion that love is all about being swept off your feet into an instant relationship.
Fairy-tales, sitcoms, novels, plays, advertising and blockbuster movies have made us believe this – but truly, if you want to be safe, healthy and happy then you need to GROW UP and take your time when dating.
If you do, you have narcissistic repellent working powerfully in your favour from the get-go.
Narcissists HATE to take time; they need narcissistic supply to survive – like yesterday.
If you can get it through to yourself TO TAKE YOUR SWEET TIME to get to know someone, rather than be like my previous self who used to put more thought into buying a pair of shoes than I did into choosing a relationship, then watch on – because we are not going to leave any stone unturned.
Your Criteria to NOT Fall For the Love Bomb
I want you to ask yourself these questions:
- Is your life whole enough, as a single person, to NOT need a relationship to feel happy and have a fulfilling life?
- Do you feel like you are established as your own generative source of love, acceptance, survival and security – and no longer feel like an empty, broken child in an adult’s body looking for a partner to be a pseudo parent for you? (I know that is such a tough question and one I want you to get really honest with yourself about – because it is NO one else’s responsibility to give you your happiness and life – it is yours.)
- Are you healed beyond the beliefs ‘all the good ones are gone’, ‘I have to accept who turns up because there may not be another’ and ‘if I have a connection of (whatever it is) with someone, I may never experience that with someone else again’?
- Are you healed and truly over the trauma of your past relationships?
- Are you very clear on what you will and won’t accept and, so, will not compromise yourself because of neediness and feelings of lack?
- Are you prepared to ask for what you need and want? And will you, respectfully without resentment, walk away if this person does not meet your values and truth, and accept that you are just not a match for them – regardless of what stage the relationship is at?
- Have you evolved past the beliefs of ‘going on dates with the wrong people is annoying, terrible, disappointing and a waste of time’?
- Are you healed beyond capitulating to other people’s demands even if it means you lose this person?
- Are you able to accept someone discarding you because you didn’t go along with their version of dating (such as having sex too soon), without blaming yourself and wondering what is wrong with you?
- Do you now accept that what comes up via dating grants you the perfect opportunity to heal beliefs and release even more trauma, show up in truth with healthy boundaries and become an even greater generative force of true, healthy love?
I worked my BUTT OFF with the inner work to get myself there.
Okay, so I’d love you to be honest and share with the entire community below – how many do you score a ‘yes’ out of these ten questions I just asked you?
I promise you this…until you stop dating trying to find someone to heal you, or deciding that you could never date ever again because you are too broken, and instead heal yourself in your key inner areas to become whole, not only will you date effectively, you will have a total blast doing it – no matter how many narcs you initially come across.
The total solution is to heal you, then you will never accept that again, and you won’t put yourself in a position to even start a narcissistic relationship.
When you heal, you will put as much thought, time, diligence and care into a relationship decision as you would any other impactful life decision – even more so – and certainly more thought than purchasing a pair of shoes.