Here's everything you need to know about breaking up with a narcissist, including how to do this right and what to expect along the way:
1. Stop trying to keep the narcissist accountable.
With most people, you can have reasonable discussions of when certain behaviors are unacceptable. With a narcissist, their response almost always flips between "You're crazy/unreasonable/too sensitive" and "I promise to change, so give me a chance." The goalposts are always changing, and you walk on eggshells, with your sense of reality gradually eroding. There are times when the narcissist may have appeared to have changed, except that it's often one step forward and five steps back. And then you get blamed for calling them out, even if they're hurting you.
Understand this as you're walking out the door: You can never hold a narcissist accountable. It's what's kept you hooked, and you need to leave behind that desire to make them "get it" or "change" if you're going to be able to truly close the door on this relationship.
2. Hold on to those moments of clarity.
By the time you're ready to leave, a big problem is that you're probably distant from your friends and voices of wisdom—a typical machination by the narcissist. So when you have moments of inner clarity come through, Marshall stresses the importance of hanging on to them: "These are moments when you tell yourself, I know now in this moment I must get away. Hold on to it, and come back to this moment again and again. Because you will forget the logic behind why you say that. It's OK. As long as you remember the conclusion you've drawn." This will fuel you with the strength to keep walking away and never look back.
To be continued. . . .