CONTINUED. . .
If You Are Not Hoovered Again
I know that initially this can be terrible for you.
You may feel after the narcissist has moved on with someone else like, ‘What is so wrong with me that I am no longer being hoovered?’.
This is what I believe is the absolute truth about narcissists – they deliver to us the THING that hurts the most. This is both because they have identified it and because narcissists in our life provide an incredible opportunity for us to heal our unhealed parts, that they painfully trigger.
My greatest recommendation to you is to take this as a blessing (the silence) and use the opportunity to turn inwards and heal what you are feeling. Then, I promise you, you won’t give two hoots about who the narcissist has run off with.
I promise you also that when you do the inner work – just as I did on the reasons why I was assigning another person as my level of lovability, worth and value, and came home to being a beautiful, full source to myself – the pain and the longing will totally go.
And … after you do the inner work … you will no longer accept any hoover attempts (if they do come) any more than you would nail yourself to the back of a burning door.
I assure you, if you start NARPing you will know exactly what I mean!
Personal Happiness Is Determined By Growth
Anyone can portray their life is AWESOME on social media.
BUT … are they at peace and do they feel whole within?
Are they able to be real, honest and communicate healthily in relationships, in order to create healthy partnerships of mutuality?
These are questions we can investigate when reflecting on the narcissist and also about ourselves.
People who refuse to turn inwards and process and heal their previous relationship pain to completion – meaning healing previously unintegrated and unhealed parts – are stuck in the same cycles, going through the same relationships, just with different faces.
As much as people try to get a person that is going to be different ‘this time’, it doesn’t happen.
Narcissists don’t take time out to reflect. They don’t heal. They don’t learn from their mistakes.
The narcissistic motto is: ’You are in my life to provide me with ego attention and significance, and let me mine you, so that you fulfil all of my needs. And when you stop playing that role, I will punish and discard you.’
This is not a relationship.
You NEVER had a REAL relationship with this person.
It’s a dictatorship – no matter what wrapping it appears to be disguised in. Sooner or later any new supply is going to see the mask fall and come face to face with the terrible trauma of what their relationship is really about.
And, of course, they are likely to go through the same journey of denial again and again, as they try to make each relationship that never was, be real.
That is until they realise the same truth that you are FACING now – what this is REALLY about is turning inwards to love and heal yourself back to value, worth and wholeness.
It never is anyone else’s job to grant us that!