When the Narcissist Hoovers You Back In
When we understand the motivation of a narcissist, who uses people as props to feed their ego, this explains the hoovering phenomenon.
Narcissists are famous for circling back to you and telling you that they miss you; that he or she made a mistake, still loves you, wants to work things out, and so on and so forth.
Or they will incite an argument with you, whereby you get upset and hook in and he or she then smooches up to you again.
This will make your head spin: ‘Hang on, you moved on. You were with a new person or at the very least told me you didn’t love me. You wanted to be away from me and now you want to get back with me?’
Many a person has fallen for it. I did too. And it leads to more pain, even worse abuse, and harder discards.
Why does the narcissist do it?
They do it because they feel needy for the ego feed of knowing that you still want them, or perhaps because the new supply is not turning out as well as expected.
The real truth is that narcissists are greedy for ego feeds and are indiscriminate. With ‘tortured love’ there is lots of drama and emotional energy to mine. Many narcissists will have sex with their Exes with zero regard for the new supply.
Isn’t it interesting that you thought you were meaningless and worthless? If we are using the measuring stick of integrity, loyalty and monogamy, this means the new supply is also.
Who does the narcissist really love?
The narcissist’s allegiance is with one entity only – his or her False Self; the relentless Master who requires insatiable feeding of significance. And not only at a current or former partner’s expense –at the narcissist’s too.
Can you imagine the insanity this sort of life creates?
Can you imagine lying and having to triangulate effectively? Sneaking around covering tracks and living with the possibility of being found out and their life exploding at any moment.
Welcome to the narcissist’s ‘normal’ world, which is forever cracking, breaking, burning people out and needing the ‘up and leave and begin again’ effort to survive.