You cannot enable an abuser. They abuse you or they don’t, but their actions are totally their responsibility. Most victims of lies, infidelity, and abuse create coping mechanisms to survive. In survival mode, it’s difficult to think creatively. That’s part of the abuse – keeping you so confused and in pain that you don’t think through your options. Not being able to figure out reality or set boundaries are typical in abuse victims because their reality is being twisted by their abuser. Abuse victims often use coping skills to survive the abuse that are often labeled by therapists and clergy who don’t understand abuse as codpendent. You’re not codependent if you remain silent for fear that you will be punched if you speak up. You are afraid. Identify what you are doing to cope with the lies, infidelity, and abuse. Then you can see if those coping mechanisms provide safety or keep you stuck.