Being labeled codependent does NOT help victims of lies, infidelity and abuse to get to safety. In fact, for a lot of women, being labeled a codependent is traumatizing in and of itself. For example, for a woman who just found out about their husband’s compulsive sexual behavior, after years of not knowing anything about it, it feels like a huge, heavy, dangerous, dark weight just thrust upon your shoulders – and now you have to do something about it or it won’t stop. It erroneously puts the responsibility of saving family on her shoulders – rather than on the shoulders of the perpetrator. He is the only one who can save the family by changing his thoughts, attitudes, words and behaviors. Imagine being referred to as a co-murderer? That little co prefix to some of us implies that we are cooperating or collaborating or connection to this thing that we don’t want anything to do with – it can really be damaging and overwhelming.