Codependent also implies some sense of self-denial or self delusion, like we’ve somehow put our head in the sand. Unlike other chemical dependencies like alcohol or drugs which happen in front of your eyes, lies, abuse, porn use, compulsive sexual behaviors aren’t visible. It’s difficult for women when they feel that the term codependent suggests that they weren’t attuned to their relationship, that they didn’t have enough self awareness – that somehow they should have known. I hear that one a lot, “How did I not know!?” Or other people ask them that same question. It’s not your fault that someone lied to you and you believed him. It’s not you fault that your husband is untrustworthy and you didn’t know that. That’s his fault.