Being forced to bear the responsibility for your abusers harm against you is intolerable. If a woman is not seen, heard, or validated, it’s safer to isolate because it’s like being told that we shouldn’t focus on the harm of the abuse. It’s like us screaming and yelling for help because our house is on fire, and someone telling you, “Don’t worry about the flames. Just vacuum like you’re supposed to and the flames will take care of themselves.” That advice puts women at risk for burning to death.
While it’s healthy to isolate from unsafe people and set boundaries around secondary abuse, it’s also necessary to create a safe support network.