There are four “requirements” narcissists have that the people pleaser will need to SHED in order to preserve PERSONAL STABILITY. The SHEDDING of these “requirements” will become the beginning of establishing the necessary BOUNDARIES with the would-be dominator:
- The requirement to keep the narcissist satisfied. You can have a goal of being a satisfying person, but it is not necessary to read the narcissist’s mind and conform to obligations that are not reasonable or healthy.
- The requirement to suppress the real you. Narcissists LACK EMPATHY, so it does not occur to them to ponder how they can know you more fully and respond to your feelings and needs in a gratifying manner. That being the case, you will need to practice self-care, staying attentive to what makes you unique. And when the narcissist insists otherwise, you can act upon your initiatives despite the predictable protest.
- The requirement to stay inside an unhealthy system. By definition, narcissists are not psychologically healthy. But because they must be dominant, they ignore what is best and good for you, demanding you have to agree with their unhealthy initiatives. However, once you recognize how preposterous their unhealthy demands are, you can align with others who practice decency and consideration. You don’t have to remain inside the narcissist’s orbit.
- The requirement to disrespect yourself. The narcissist does not respect you. To that person, you are a function, and as long as you maintain your function, you are useful, but as you show yourself to be unique, the narcissist illustrates a pervasive lack of regard for you. By becoming independent and assertive, you can reclaim the self respect the narcissist has tried to squelch.