If you’ve spent years stuck in cycles of your partners abuse & addiction, this checklist will literally save you from years more. At BTR, abuse means lies, porn use, infidelity, manipulation, gaslighting, emotional abuse, and narcissistic behaviors. This list will help you create an emotionally safe home.
Open Up To A Safe Person
Examples of unsafe statements include:
- You need to be supportive of his recovery.
- Don’t be angry or he won’t feel comfortable enough to tell the truth.
- It’s just porn. Why are you so upset?
- Don’t do anything to shame him. Shame will make him act out.
- It’s not right to shun someone. Don’t push him away.
- The real / only problem is that you won’t forgive and trust your husband.
- Don’t tell anyone about your husband’s porn use or abuse. It would ruin his reputation, job, or church standing.
- What did you do to set him off?
Someone who tells you outright or implies that you have any responsibility for his lies, abuse & infidelity isn’t safe. Someone who tells you outright or implies that you should endure abuse and protect & enable an abuser is not safe. Move onto someone who is.