When they come for the hoover, they might say things like.
10. “I’m torn; I love you both.” Again trying to get you both to work harder and win them over, they just want the attention from you both as you fight over the narcissist.
11. “I need your help, and I don’t mean to hurt you.” They need your positivity emotions as they didn’t mean to push you so far as they’d not got someone else lined up, they didn’t mean to push you so far, yet as you still have something they want from you.
Whatever they say, do not break no contact or grey rock, it’ll set your recovery back, they hurt you and treated you wrong, and they’ll keep doing it every time you take them back, most psychologists and researchers say they can not change, don’t risk your happiness by going back.
Why is the narcissist not coming to hoover you?
You may question if they are a narcissist as they are not reaching out, in all the hoover ways you’ve heard about to suck you back in.
If they have at least five of the characteristics, they are most likely on the narcissistic personality disorder spectrum. If they were abusive, no matter what their personality safely get out and safely stay out.
Some narcissists are simply far too lazy to hoover, like those who didn’t work as they are far too lazy, although if they think it’s easy enough they will try to hoover.
Narcissistic people believe they are entitled, so if they feel like they always have you even if they are not with you.
Now you’ve learnt about narcissism, you no longer believe you are a narcissist, and you know through all they do, they are most likely a narcissist, yet your missing that one piece the hoover, they just haven’t bothered to hoover you, you know all the ways they do this, yet your ex-narcissist hasn’t bothered with any hoover.
Those who have been hoovered would love to find themselves in this position, to be able to just get on with their lives, freely without those reminders and missed calls,
You may actually want them to hoover, so you can have it out with them about what’s happened, this is pointless and will only end up with you feeling worse. You may want to lash out at them for how they’ve treated you, this only helps their ego, and they will twist the words to play victim to others.
You may want closure, and they’ll never give it to you, you’ll only feel worse, work on you instead, you’re inner happiness and giving yourself closure.
You may want the hoover to happen, as you’re still in the trauma bond, you’ve not yet worked on yourself to get over them, and still believe you can help them and make it work, you can not, use this time to work on you.
You may want to let them know you know exactly what they are, pointless they only believe their own reality, instead, take your new-found knowledge to stay away from these negative people.