The narcissist may take a long time to hoover, and some can be days, some weeks and some years. Some might find it too much effort even to bother.
If you managed to get out, or if they left you, with the trauma bond and possible CPTSD, you are left with endless wounds you have to heal and overcome, and it is a long, hard incredibly draining journey at times, but please stick with it. It will become so much easier. You will get there, and you will find your happiness again, it just takes work from you.
With the trauma bond, you are weaning yourself off a drug, those around you that haven’t been through it will not understand, so join support groups of people who have been there. Any question you ask, someone will have been through the same or very similar, it’ll help you to understand you’re not alone, also how you think and feel is normal.
A Narcissistic relationship causes a whole lot of damage that you have to heal, I understand and know exactly what you’re going through, I also understand those around you that haven’t been through it, telling you to just get over it, do not understand it’s not a healthy break up, if you have children with the narcissist it’s even harder as you can not just cut the narcissist out, also the narcissist will be using those children to try and further their destruction of you .
They will not give you answers or conclusion as to what happened, and they want to keep you confused, if they know they are doing it or not. So the best step for you is to research, phycology and the narcissist personality disorder, so you can recognise their behavior and know what game they are playing, whilst working on a better life for you, so you can move forward.
It’s not all your fault, no matter what you do, no one deserves that kind of abuse, so no matter how many times they blame you, you need to remove that thought from your mind.
You are most likely an empathic, loving, caring and kind, that wants to see the good in others and help others, you most likely changed yourself so many times, until you lost who you were to make the relationship work with the narcissist.
Now you know about narcissism, Some of you might be waiting for the hoover, even though you’ve been back before, just to validate they are a narcissist, narcissistic or not, abuse is abuse mental or physical, so you need to get out and stay out.