You might be waiting for the hoover, so you can tell them where to go and give yourself the closure and the grand final of the relationship that never truly existed in the terms of a relationship more, sunken ship, with the narcissists that only aims to take everything away from you so you hit rock bottom and have to fight with everything you have just to reach the surface again, dodging them trying to dunk you straight back under.
When the narcissist appears to hoover you, human nature can make you intrigued. Personally, I would recommend, no contact or grey rock and stick to it but you have to do what right is right for you, so if you do acknowledge them, remind yourself, they are an abusive narcissist or not.
The narcissist most likely will never be accountable, and they will not see what they’ve done to cause any of it, they’ll not even take 50/50. They might offer a false apology, but they will still turn it all around onto what you’ve done.
Narcissist hate being alone and most of they have to jump from one relationship to another, whilst it’s working, and they’re getting positive attention about how amazing they are with the new partner on a whole they’ll leave you alone, as soon as that mask slips, they come back and test the waters, first so they can get all your attention and feel better about themselves, second to make the new person feel horrendous as they once did you, and third to play you off against each other to fight over them and give the narcissist all the attention they need.
The narcissist is incapable of loving or caring about you, they don’t deserve you, the best way to handle a hoover, grey rock if you have children, no contact if not, trying to do anything else, will result in slowing your recovery and they’ve already taken up to much of your time.
A few things narcissists might say to try and win you back.
Some people who are not abusive may say these things if they feel genuine remorse if they’ve not been physically or mentally abusive towards you they might be genuinely sorry for their actions and genuinely love care and want you back.
Yet if they’ve been mentally or physically abusive towards you, left you feeling crazy, take your money, your home, or use you in any way they can, cheated on you, they are saying these things as they want to use you some more.
When they come for the hoover, they might say things like.
1. “You made me do it. It’s only because you weren’t there for me. If you were more interested in me.” When you’ve discovered they’ve cheated again, blame-shifting onto you, or triangulating you Both, so you work harder to keep them due to your trauma bond.