The Real Truth – You Don’t Matter – And You Need To
Of course, initially when we realize we don’t matter – and that we weren’t loved and the relationship we endured with this person was because of this – it can feel intensely personal. We are shocked when we are treated without consideration and discarded or replaced, or even maliciously abused.
The truth is we either outlived our usefulness or the narcissist is now trying to hurt us horribly to get reactions that make him or her still get narcissistic supply.
The real truth is we didn’t matter, because the narcissist is not ‘matter’. They are a False Self, that is not real. Nothing matters other than the False Self. He or she is not capable of internally mattering or this mattering in others.
Now here is the clincher and our incredible soul lesson in this: we need to matter to ourselves, regardless of whether we matter to a specific other.
If you get this, really get this, I want you to write below: ‘From today forward I MATTER to ME!’
If we try to get ‘us’ from False Sources, that is from anyone who is not ‘us’, then we are in very hot water. Wrong Town, in fact. Where the people we cling to and get hurt by are the people who are really reflecting back to us our own inner disconnection, divorcing and lack of self-partnering.
I promise you with all my heart, when you let go of the narcissist and turn inwards to face and heal your wounds of not feeling like you matter between you and you, and Source/Life/God and others, then you will never accept a relationship like this again. Rather, you will generate real, healthy relationships with people who do have the resources to matter to themselves and recognize that others matter also. And you will easily let go of people who you realize just don’t have these resources.
I want you to understand the total truth that can help us wake up – we cling to people who hurt us when they are not providing us with what we haven’t yet healed.
So, as the full circle with this Thriver TV episode, which all of mine really are, this is not actually about the narcissist hurting you – this is a given, that’s just what narcissists do. This is REALLY about your turning away from them and turning inwards to heal you so that you can stop being stuck in this pattern of hurting yourself.
Do you realize that as much as the narcissist is punishing you for not granting the perfect, ever-constant, narcissistic supply, you are holding the narcissist responsible for not giving you healthy love and inner solidness and peace? The insanity has got to stop. The narcissist is not going to take self-responsibility, but you can.